APRIL 20 1998 I WAS IN BOYNTON BEACH TRYING TO FIND A BUYER FOR MY LATE UNCLE’S HOUSE. I MEASURED THE SHED AND I ACCIDENTALLY BUMPED INTO THE WALL OF HIS SHED WITH MY MEASURING TAPE. IT WAS NOT A WALL. IT CONTAINED A SECRET PASSAGEWAY THAT WENT UNDERNEATH HIS SHED AND REVEALED A SCROLL. THE SCROLL WAS BEING OFFERED, ARMS OUTSTRETCHED, BY AN IMMACULATE CARVING OF A CREATURE OF THREE PARTS. THE CARVING WAS MADE OF LIMESTONE. IT HAD THE FEET OF A FOX, IT HAD THE TORSO OF A TOUCAN, AND IT HAD THE FACE OF A CROCODILE. AND FOURTEEN FEET AWAY I FOUND AN IDENTICAL STATUE HOLDING ANOTHER SCROLL.

I CAREFULLY OPENED THE FIRST SCROLL, AND I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS SEEING

bored

WAS THE ONLY THING WRITTEN ON THE SCROLL. I FELT A SENSE OF IMMENSE GRIEF WASH OVER ME. WHEN I LOOKED BACK AT THE CARVING, IT NO LONGER RESEMBLED THREE CREATURES AND INSTEAD RESEMBLED THREE CROCODILES STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER. THE CROCODILES THEN VANISHED. I THEN, HURRIEDLY, AND AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT, SNATCHED THE SECOND SCROLL FROM THE CLAWS OF THE FOUL CREATURE, AND PROMPTLY UNRAVELED IT TO TRY AND DECIPHER THIS CRYPTIC TEXT.

hungry

I THEN FELT A SHARP AND ACUTE PAIN IN THE BACK OF MY SKULL. MY MIND BEGAN RACING. MY VISION WAS BLURRING. MY SURROUNDINGS SMELLED LIKE ORANGE. MY SURROUNDINGS DID NOT SMELL LIKE ORANGE. MY SURROUNDINGS WERE ORANGE. I COULD SEE HIM. I COULD NOT SEE HIM. I WAS VISITED BY THE TOUCAN. I WAS NOT VISITED BY THE TOUCAN. THE TOUCAN WAS VISITED BY ME. I DID NOT STACK THEM. I DID NOT STACK THEM. I DID NOT STACK THEM. I DID NOT STACK THEM. MY RENT WAS DUE. I DID NOT PAY MY RENT. I WAS ADVISED NOT TO BY MY INSURANCE AGENT. THERE WAS A LAKE. THERE WAS NO LAKE. I AM THE LAKE AND THIS BLOG IS THE PERSISTENT ALGAE AT THE BOTTOM, UNTOUCHED BY NATURE. I AM NOT THE LAKE. THE LAKE IS OSCILLATING. I CAN HEAR IT. IT OSCILLATES AT 369MHZ. IT DOES NOT OSCILLATE. IT IS TICKING. THE CROC IS TICKING. MY NAME IS COCODRILO. HE INFORMED ME MY NAME IS COCODRILO. MY NAME IS NOT ████████. IT IS NOT ████████. I MUST GO TO PARAGUAY.

AND THEN IT ENDED AS FAST AS IT STARTED. I FOLLOWED THE INSTRUCTIONS IMPLIED BY THE FIRST CARVING AND I PLACED ONE CROC ON TOP OF ANOTHER CROC, AND I FELT AN OVERWHELMING NEGATIVITY WASH OVER MY BEING. I WEPT FOR 594 YEARS. I WEPT FOR 6 SECONDS. I CANNOT STOP WEEPING. I STOPPED WEEPING. I MUST STOP OTHERS FROM WEEPING. I MUST NOT WEEP. HE IS WATCHING.

AND SO I CREATED THIS BLOG TO DOCUMENT AND CONTINUE THE RESEARCH BY MY LATE UNCLE. I AM UNCOVERING A GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACY ABOUT THE “MKCROC” PROJECT. THEY KNEW EVERYTHING AND THEY COVERED IT UP AND THEY COVERED UP THE COVERUP. AND I MUST TELL THE PEOPLE THE TRUTH BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE. CROCS ARE NOT MEANT TO BE STACKED. HE WAS VERY CLEAR. I DID NOT LISTEN. THIS WILL ████████████ ██████████ HAS █████████████████

I hope you have as much fun playing Croc: Legend of the Gobbos as I had sourcing and cracking it before release! This game is for the SONY Playstation which can produce mind-boggling effects. The controls are smooth and responsive, and the titular character has a lot of fun personality and charm! Crash Bandicoot is in a lot of trouble!

– Cocodrilo <3